It's now Wednesday morning and I can't get you out of my mind this morning. I know I've said to you how much I enjoy you and how lucky I am to have you involved in my life, but I don't feel I can say it often enough. Allowing yourself to open up more to me last night was very special to me. There's so much more of you that has not surfaced yet that I know will help me get through this difficult time in my life where so many things seem to be collapsing around me. It is your love and genuine concern for my total wellbeing that sustains and supports me. I will forever remember how you and only you have provided me with the positive reinforcement that I've needed.

You ask me last night if I had asked for you. I guess I should clarify what I meant when I said that I didn't know that I had asked for you. I was thinking about what you said about how you had asked for me. That you had asked for what I give you, but not specifically asked for me. The difference is that I DID specifically ask for YOU. I was envious of your mate and wished that I could be in his place. Every time we met and talked about our beliefs and values, I thought about how wonderful it would be to have YOU in my life; not just someone like you. I was attracted to something in you the first time my eyes met yours.  I didn't know at the time what it was, but now I know it was my soul telling me that you were meant to be a major part of my life's journey. I know now what a major part you are and how much I need your care and support. I desire to grow with you beside me all my life in the flesh and beyond. My heart feels so free when I'm with you. I feel as though I will live forever when I'm in your arms.
About last night: I really was not sure you would be able to allow yourself to truly open your heart to me when you reached that point where the walls of protection have always kept your heart secure. I can't speak for you, but it was very important to me to feel those walls begin to collapse. I felt a rush of loving energy pour over me as though a dam had burst and my heart was standing in the path of the rushing water that clears away all debris in it's path. It was very cleansing and healing. Oh how often I've wanted to hear your sighs of passion as they part your lips uncontrollably, to feel your hot breath on my neck as your breasts rise and fall to the rhythm of your sensual panting. Vous êtes érotique.

Eventually, I want to take you to a place I've seen inside you where time will stand still and you will experience feelings that have been locked away, waiting to be released by the loving presence your soul mate. You know it's there, waiting for you. That's why you asked for it. That's why the voice keeps telling you to open your heart. You know you are being lead to a sacred place where few people have dared to go. It's scary, but God will not ask of you more than you are capable of. Your next stage of growth will depend on your opening your heart enough to allow me to unlock the door of destiny where love, goodness and beauty will rule in your life. I hold the key but a guardian controls the lock. Though I stand outside the door when the guardian is away, enjoying all that we share, I can't open it. To do so would be an act of escape. We must wait for the time when you are released and free from the shackles of fear and guilt. Even though I long to take you there now, I know that to break you free from the bondage of an aching heart would be an invasion of your free will. I respect your feelings and desires to move forward at a comfortable pace where you feel in control.

I can't believe you had to go to bed alone again last night. I hope you don't mind that I remind you of advice I gave regarding your employees. "There should be consequences attached to behavior." The only problem with doing this in a love relationship is that it places conditions. I know you want your basic needs met without asking or without placing conditions, but it may be necessary to get things moving in the right direction for you to get your relationship where you want it to be. Make sure your expectations are not unrealistic. It may be that he is being himself and that it has nothing to do with anything you are doing or not doing. Also, you could be more direct in your communication of your NEEDS. Tell him you need to be held. Tell him you need him to make love to you. Tell him to come to bed with you for an hour and then he can get back on the computer, after you have fallen asleep. Ask what you need to do to be more desirable to him. Ask what it will take to for him to initiate intimacy or making love. His response will help you understand him more and through understanding, love will grow. Be careful not to compare him with your ideal mate. It will only worsen any friction that may already be between you. You know you will have to accept him as he is and can not change him to be what you want him to be.

You are changing and growing very quickly now. I have been fortunate to witness the enormous growth in you over the past 2 /12 years, despite the unstable environment of having to juggle your energies between your mind and your heart. I admire your ability to do that. Remember; we cannot cause growth, but we can supply favorable conditions. It really the only thing we can do to promote growth. Love grows; it cannot be created, manufactured, or purchased; it must grow.  I know you are doing almost everything in your power to create the conditions for love to grow in your home. Plants require certain conditions for optimal growth; soil types, water, sunlight and nutritional requirements must match the plants needs. Some plants should not be planted together because their conditions for growth are so diverse. It becomes a loosing battle to attempt to put roses and ferns in the same bed. One will grow; one will die. Trying to change the rose to become a fern is unrealistic.

I know I'm saying what you already know. I see that this is what you accepted on your vacation and I'm just adding validation to the facts you have accepted as the truth. This is what happened to me and why I am able now to see that, although I was growing under conditions that were somewhat less than favorable, my partner was dying. It has helped me to realize how important favorable conditions are to growth. One thing is sure, we are either growing or we are dying. Please live. I need you.
 

I miss you already! My heart soars as I daydream about how I felt last night. You guide me to places and sensations within myself that have been dormant for too long. You reinforce that we are destined to be together, sharing unique experiences that will forever remain in my mind as a cherished memory of what love between a man and a woman should be. Whatever it takes to have you as my partner in life, I will do, except that which will cause you unjust pain. I will never let you go. Pull me ever closer. Know that my love for you expands every day. All that I have is yours. Take me. Hold me. Love me. I am with you…

Always,
Ton Ange